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anachronizomai:

ally is not an identity category

ally has never been an identity category

ally will never be an identity category

at best it’s something you choose to live into daily without expecting accolades

at worst it’s a fiction invented to recenter discourse around the “good” members of an oppressive class rather than on the marginalized and the systems that marginalize them

fuck ally week

I am not your dirty secret

emeraldincandescent:

queenieofaces:

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.

Content warnings: mentions of sexual violence, but no specifics

Fellow aces, we need to have a discussion about how we treat sex-averse and sex-repulsed aces.  Sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces are by no means a minority in the community—according to the AAW census, 65% of asexuals, 51% of grey-As, and 37% of demisexuals are either “somewhat repulsed” or “completely repulsed.”  And yet, as several people have pointed out recently, sex-repulsed and sex-averse aces are consistently viewed almost as a dirty secret the community should be ashamed of.”  This treatment of sex-repulsed aces goes hand in hand with a series of ideas: Being indifferent is the Real Way to be ace.  If you’re sex-repulsed, there’s something wrong with you, and you need to see a medical professional.  If you’re sex-repulsed because of experiences of trauma or sexual violence, then you definitely need to see a medical professional and sit down and shut up and stop making people think that you’re a “normal” ace.

A strange extension of this erasure and/or silencing of sex-repulsed aces is that aces who aren’t sex-repulsed are pressured into having sex by members of their own community.  It means that it’s significantly easier to find narratives from and advice for aces who have sex (and that’s just things I found in ~5 minutes of going through bookmarks) than it is to find personal narratives from aces who are sex-averse,* despite the fact that, according to the AAW census, only 1% of asexuals, 4% of grey-As, and 11% of demisexuals enjoy having sex.  (It’s slightly easier to find stuff about aros who don’t have sex and don’t want to have sex, probably because, as everyone knows, it’s totally 100% impossible to ever have a romantic relationship without The Sex.)  It means that people who seek out ace communities because they don’t want to have sex can feel alienated by their own communities.

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THIS THIS THIS x100000000

Especially the part about how realizing you didn’t have to have sex made it less scary to talk about. I’ve become so much more comfortable with (talking about) sex since joining the ace community.

Speaking of the 2011 stuff, there was an idea going around about that time of “detoxing”: that aces can seem very anti-sex right after discovering asexuality, as a reaction to finding a welcoming community after dealing with sexual messages their entire lives. I haven’t heard anyone mention it since, but I think it was an important idea. I think we need spaces for people to be explicitly “sex-negative.*” I think that having a safe space to “detox” would allow a lot of aces to become more comfortable with (other people having) sex, as well as being supportive of people who will never be comfortable with the idea of sex.

*Not shaming other people for having sex; that’s never okay. But it would be nice to talk frankly about sex aversion without having to append a disclaimer every other sentence.

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